Wow. I haven’t blogged in ages. That’s not okay. But I’m back now To start, a quote:
“But if I’m being completely honest with myself, one of the things I want most right now is for someone to show interest in me, to pursue me, to prove to me that they’re good.”
This is a quote from my friend’s most recent blog post. While it is dumb of me to take something from my friend’s blog (hey!), this sentence is what stood out the most to me. The most intriguing part about her post (which you should all go check out – thepretendextrovert.wordpress.com) was the concept behind it, primarily because it’s a topic I have been wanting to discuss for ages, but never gotten around to it. So here we go:
I have recently discovered something quite interesting about myself that I guess I subconsciously always knew about myself. My discovery — I require public displays of affection. No, no, not like the couples who block hallways at school because they’re standing in the corner making out and not one wants to tell them off. By PDA, I mean, you have to tell me you love me, and show it to me too. Yeah, sure, I might know that you love me, but unless you outwardly tell me or are constantly giving me hugs, I will always have my doubts. And moreover, I’m drawn to those people – so many older women I know that are mothers and have kids, make me wish they were my mother sometimes because they show me they love me. They are the ones who say it the most or hug me the most or are just showering me with kindness the most. I know it sounds weird, but its true.
Shifting gears a little bit, the one thing that I want the most, is for a boy toshow me he loves me. I always, always get asked, “who do you like? who do you think is cute? C’mon, there’s gotta be someone you like!” or any variation of those questions, and my response, for as long as I can remember, has always been a denial of my liking of anyone – never have, not going to till I’m older, don’t have the time for it. I don’t know why, if I have ever been interested in anyone, I never told anyone. Yet, I have found myself constantly thinking about being in a relationship – and by constantly, I mean like those were my primary thoughts, which turned into daily dreams. I’ve thought about it a lot and dreamt up scenarios of me going on dates. Plus, pintrest has made me want to plan a wedding (preferably my own) for THE longest time now. There’s just something about not having it that makes me want it more. Before, it was a total joke. Like, “oh you want love? you don’t even know what that is, therefore stop daydreaming and start focusing”. Now that I see people going into and out of relationships, I want it more than ever. When I see a love like my uncle and aunt’s, it just makes that desire intensified by 654321356789. My aunt is literally the cutest! She walks her husband outside every morning to his car, and waits till he drives away. They are always referring to each other as “honey” or “my love”. They kiss each other all the time, and act like their new lovers all the time. They make me want to be in a relationship like them!
Let’s be realistic for a moment: I know nothing about relationships and love. Nothing. But if we’re being honest, it’s the one thing I crave more than anything. To love and be loved.
This post ended up being longer than I expected and probably could’ve been two, but since it’s over basically nothing, whatever.