Friendships are like llamas.

Hello friends!! Can you believe we’re more than a week into the new year? It’s weird lol

Anyways, I should start by saying this: I’ve been wanting to delve into this topic for a while, and each time I’m about to write, I have a different perspective from which to take it from, but it’s time to write anyways…

The last several months, I have been worrying and worrying over one thing: friendships.

I don’t know why, but the start of senior year came with the realization that after this year, I may not see these people ever again, and to be quite frank, that scares the hell out of me. We’ve spent four years building up friendships, and for what? For all of them to disappear after high school?? Uhhh, no thank you. I mean, yes, not all friendships last, and some will of course, I’m aware of both of those factors, but it still troubles me that I won’t have the relationships that I do anymore come this time next year. To be honest, I think this is all rooted in the fact that when I was in 5th grade, someone told me that the friendships I have in high school, won’t last at all – as in, every one of them will disappear. Back at the time, I didn’t think much of it; I was still pretty young, and had a “we’ll cross that bridge when we get there” mentality. But here I am, crossing that bridge….

Here’s what I’ve learned, especially within the last few months:

– Everybody is different, and every friendship that comes with it is different. They’re like llamas in that way – random. Llamas are the most random animal I can think of, and friendships are just that random. You never know what could happen.

– There are going to be friendships that do not last. It’s inevitable. I know for sure that many of the people I am friends with currently that we will lose touch. And I’ve come to be okay with that. Because:

– There are friendships that will in fact last. Everybody is different. I have a friend that I have not seen or spoken to in a very long while, yet when we do talk, it’s as if she’s never left. She is truly a gem of a friend and I know that no matter where we end up, we’re going to remain friends. I also have a friend where our entire friendship is built on honesty. She’s the first person I turn to, and I can tell her about anything and everything, even if she’s the one bothering me, and I know that she’ll be there to talk me through it. She just gets me, its strange lol but she’s my best friend and that’s a friendship that will last because I’m not so sure what I’d do without her haha.

– Its about the quality not the quantity of the friendships.

SO, if you’re like me, and you worry about everything too, I’m here to share that it’s all going to work out in the end, even if you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel just quite yet. Friendships will last, they’re just going to take a little more effort.

Have a good night everyone!

Yostina

P.S. Yes this was weird. Yes I’m probably the only person that thinks about these things, but its my blog and I can post whatever I want 🙂

Advertisements

New Year, More Resolutions

It’s still early enough in the year where I can say Happy New Year again!

Naturally, I wanted to come with some resolutions/goals for the new year, but I decided against it. Why? Because every year, I make this huge list of things I want to work on that basically becomes a list of all the things I dislike about myself and then I never end up accomplishing any of it. If that’s the case, whats the point of even making resolutions?

So this is what I’m going to do instead: I’m going to make a list of a few, short-term, immediate goals that are realistic enough for me to do every day. At the same time, I’m going to make a list of general things that I want to work on. And of course, I’m making this public so that I can somehow keep myself accountable lol Here it goes….

Short term goals:

  1. Dedicate time to my online classes – they need to be equated to any class on campus.
  2. Wear my rubber bands!!!! – I know, this is a silly one to put down, but I need to get this damn metal off my teeth lol it’s been wayyyyyy too long
  3. Read the Bible every day – I used to be really good at doing this, but I fell out of this habit and want to get back into it.

This isn’t really a goal, but I also want to get into the habit of writing down my blog ideas. I come with so many and by the time I have my computer in front of my I forget them

Long term resolutions:

  1. Be all around more positive, and look to the bright side of things! – I have a really bad habit of getting irritated/annoyed easily by anything, and it’s a trait about myself that I’m not a fan of, so I need to work on it
  2. Dedicate some time every day for God – I know myself, I say now that I’m going to try to read my Bible everyday, but come March, I probably will have not picked up my Bible in more than a month. SO, I want to dedicate time to God. I have a lot of down time while I’m driving so maybe then? I just need to get back on my spiritual life.
  3. Get healthy! – this is a no brainer, but still, I want to work on it.
  4. Blog! Write! Journal! more often
  5. Go on an adventure! – this could mean anything from having a picnic with friends to going on a hike to traveling back to China, but this is going to be a big year, and I want to make the most of it!

So there’s that! Let’s hope I can accomplish some of these this year.

Till the next post!

Yostina

Happy New Year!

Well, it’s 2015! Real question though: where the heck did 2014 go???? *Brace yourselves for a long post*

New Years for me always mean reflecting on the good and bad of the past year. So I made a list  – My top 10 moments of 2014:

  1. CHINA – hands down the best thing thats happened to me not only in 2014 but basically my entire life and i miss it so so much
  2.  Israel – being able to make the Bible a tangible experience is something I will never forget
  3.  Starting senior year – I’m hesitant to put this one at number 3 because knowing that I graduate soon is so bittersweet for me, but I mean, its senior year so why not
  4.  My internship at UCI – this made me realize that I actually want and can pursue medicine so it’s a pretty important moment lol okay now the following are just in a random order. no rhyme or reason to where they’re at lol
  5.  my 17th birthday dinner surround by the friends I love oh so dearly
  6.  the AP Bio Florida trip and the week that followed at my aunt’s house
  7.  Performing a solo at the band instrumental concert (definitely the scariest thing i’ve had to do this year lol)
  8.  Honestly, China deserves to be on here more than once lol
  9.  any time spent with my friends is a noteworthy moment!
  10.  RECEIVING THE FREEDOM TO DRIVE AKA MY LICENSE

It was really hard to try to come up with even 10 moments because so may good things happened in 2014. Granted, there was a lot of bad too, and this year wasn’t necessarily the best of years, but every moment is worthwhile.

I don’t know what this year holds for because a lot of big things are going to happen (graduation, college, 18th birthday), but I do know that whatever comes my way, I am going to try to make the best of it! I encourage you all to keep a jar or something in your room or wherever you want and write down all the good things that happen this year. I know I’m going to because I need a way to keep things in perspective when times get tough this year. I’ve purposely left out my new year’s resolution and goals because I don’t want to drag out this post, but HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL (even if I’m a day late)!! Hope this year’s a good one!!

~ Yostina

Here’s a picture of my little memory jar area:

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/f58/64020843/files/2015/01/img_5343.jpg

Who am I?

Hey there – it’s time for a new blog post! How exciting!

So I’ve been thinking, as indicated by the fact that I’m now posting something lol…. It seems that the biggest things in my life right now are school and college apps, which understandably those should be the biggest things. Anyways, if I had to sum up these last few months in one statement, it would be “please describe to us in some number of words who you are.”

Let me just start and say, I hate answering this question😐 with a passion. How the actual heck am I supposed to relate to someone who i am? “I like food and Netflix. Please accept me” — that doesn’t adequately explain me lol

The thing is, on my own, I cannot describe myself because describing who I am means describing all of the events that have happened in my life, all of the people who have helped shape who I am.

I could take this in a theological perspective, but I’ll save that for later. The bottom line is this: who I am is not a result of only the qualities I posses, but rather I possess those qualities and character traits because of the people who have impacted me and the events that have molded me into the person that I am.

Alright, that’s all for now.
– toast 🙂

Renewing my Blog

Well, it has been quite some time since I last posted something, and my oh my, how I’ve missed it. I’ve been actually wanting to keep going with my blog since my China trip to blog as I travel (more to come on China and Israel later), but clearly that never happened lol. Anyways, as the title says, I’m renewing my vows…errrr blog (lol sorry I had to ;)). I am going to start blogging more often and I’m taking my blog in a new direction as evident by the new theme I picked haha. Basically, I’m going to keep blogging about my random thoughts and personal stuff that will hopefully not be depressing lol (all of this can be found under the so conveniently labeled “thoughts” tab) BUT I am also going to post my theology rants/thoughts or whatever you want to call it. I have been told many times that I should blog about the things I have to say about the Bible and turn my exegetical paper into a blog, so I figure, why not? Really it’s going to just end up being me finding something interesting in class and postig it here. Disclaimer: this is not going to become a religious blogsite LOL but rather a place to share what the Gospel has to offer us – all of which can be found under the “theology” tab. So creative, right?

ANYWAYS, that’s all I have to share for now. I hope y’all enjoy your insight into my mind, which is completely blind to everything around me lol

~ Toast

^^ I think I am going to start signing my blog posts haha

Hmm. I should add a travel section to my blog. This may happen. Alright now I am actually done.

PDA please. Wait, what?

Wow. I haven’t blogged in ages. That’s not okay. But I’m back now :) To start, a quote:

“But if I’m being completely honest with myself, one of the things I want most right now is for someone to show interest in me, to pursue me, to prove to me that they’re good.”

This is a quote from my friend’s most recent blog post. While it is dumb of me to take something from my friend’s blog (hey!), this sentence is what stood out the most to me. The most intriguing part about her post (which you should all go check out – thepretendextrovert.wordpress.com) was the concept behind it, primarily because it’s a topic I have been wanting to discuss for ages, but never gotten around to it. So here we go:

I have recently discovered something quite interesting about myself that I guess I subconsciously always knew about myself. My discovery — I require public displays of affection. No, no, not like the couples who block hallways at school because they’re standing in the corner making out and not one wants to tell them off. By PDA, I mean, you have to tell me you love me, and show it to me too. Yeah, sure, I might know that you love me, but unless you outwardly tell me or are constantly giving me hugs, I will always have my doubts. And moreover, I’m drawn to those people – so many older women I know that are mothers and have kids, make me wish they were my mother sometimes because they show me they love me. They are the ones who say it the most or hug me the most or are just showering me with kindness the most. I know it sounds weird, but its true.

Shifting gears a little bit, the one thing that I want the most, is for a boy toshow me he loves me. I always, always get asked, “who do you like? who do you think is cute? C’mon, there’s gotta be someone you like!” or any variation of those questions, and my response, for as long as I can remember, has always been a denial of my liking of anyone – never have, not going to till I’m older, don’t have the time for it. I don’t know why, if I have ever been interested in anyone, I never told anyone. Yet, I have found myself constantly thinking about being in a relationship – and by constantly, I mean like those were my primary thoughts, which turned into daily dreams. I’ve thought about it a lot and dreamt up scenarios of me going on dates. Plus, pintrest has made me want to plan a wedding (preferably my own) for THE longest time now.  There’s just something about not having it that makes me want it more. Before, it was a total joke. Like, “oh you want love? you don’t even know what that is, therefore stop daydreaming and start focusing”. Now that I see people going into and out of relationships, I want it more than ever. When I see a love like my uncle and aunt’s, it just makes that desire intensified by 654321356789. My aunt is literally the cutest! She walks her husband outside every morning to his car, and waits till he drives away. They are always referring to each other as “honey” or “my love”. They kiss each other all the time, and act like their new lovers all the time. They make me want to be in a relationship like them!

Let’s be realistic for a moment: I know nothing about relationships and love. Nothing. But if we’re being honest, it’s the one thing I crave more than anything. To love and be loved.

This post ended up being longer than I expected and probably could’ve been two, but since it’s over basically nothing, whatever.

People Pleasing: a disease uncurable.

Being a people pleaser is actually quite hard. Most don’t realize how hard it it – trying to do what you want while trying to not upset others. It is actually probably one of the best ways to lose who you are as a person because you are too focused on what you’re trying to do for others, or are fearing what they might say or how they will react. And yes, if you couldn’t tell, I am referring to myself.

Being a people pleaser puts a lot of pressure on me actually, despite what I try and tell myself. I am trying to live up to the expectations of my teachers, while simultaneously trying to live up to the standard of my parents. For instance, I have the first half of my research paper due on Wednesday of which I have only written two sentence; yet, I have no idea which direction my paper is even remotely going in and I am under so much pressure because my teacher expects a good paper out of me – she’s expecting an A paper to which I am trying to please. But thats kind of hard to do when you have no idea in the world what to write on.

Where do you draw the line between trying to do the best for others or trying to do the best for yourself? Because of my people pleasing ways, I am in a constant state of fear. Fear of what people will say and judge me about, but also fear of the possibilities that could happen when I do or don’t do something. Peoples words drive so deep into me, its hard to tell what are my own thoughts and what are the thoughts people have instilled in me. I do not understand why I have the desire to go to China, but I know that’s what I want to do – more than that, I am afraid to go because of all of the things that people have said to me. It makes me so scared.

This post took a weird turn right there at the end, but the bottom line is this: people pleasing is a disease that is undoubtedly the hardest one to cure.