Being a people pleaser is actually quite hard. Most don’t realize how hard it it – trying to do what you want while trying to not upset others. It is actually probably one of the best ways to lose who you are as a person because you are too focused on what you’re trying to do for others, or are fearing what they might say or how they will react. And yes, if you couldn’t tell, I am referring to myself.
Being a people pleaser puts a lot of pressure on me actually, despite what I try and tell myself. I am trying to live up to the expectations of my teachers, while simultaneously trying to live up to the standard of my parents. For instance, I have the first half of my research paper due on Wednesday of which I have only written two sentence; yet, I have no idea which direction my paper is even remotely going in and I am under so much pressure because my teacher expects a good paper out of me – she’s expecting an A paper to which I am trying to please. But thats kind of hard to do when you have no idea in the world what to write on.
Where do you draw the line between trying to do the best for others or trying to do the best for yourself? Because of my people pleasing ways, I am in a constant state of fear. Fear of what people will say and judge me about, but also fear of the possibilities that could happen when I do or don’t do something. Peoples words drive so deep into me, its hard to tell what are my own thoughts and what are the thoughts people have instilled in me. I do not understand why I have the desire to go to China, but I know that’s what I want to do – more than that, I am afraid to go because of all of the things that people have said to me. It makes me so scared.
This post took a weird turn right there at the end, but the bottom line is this: people pleasing is a disease that is undoubtedly the hardest one to cure.